Day 22

Today is day 22 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 158 pounds
BFI: 27.1%

It has been a few days since I wrote on this blog, but believe me...I have a good excuse. There is a lot to catch up on, so stay tuned. I should have multiple blogs being posted in the next few days.

My reason (excuse) for not being on-line is that I was moving. I am still moving, but most of it is behind me. In preparation for the big move, I moved into my sister's extra room. Save a month of rent before heading out to the land of low humidity and sunshine. Here in Oklahoma it is painfully hot and humid.

Still fasting. Still staying obedient to God. Still attending Celebrate Recovery to deal with my hurts, habits and hang-ups. Still trying to live my life according to God's Word.

Day 17 AM

Today is day 17 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 158 pounds
BFI: 27.1%

We are almost halfway through the fast. The weight is coming off great. The menu has gotten a bit boring, but it doesn't really matter, because I am doing this as a testimony of love and obedience.

I have had three good days of peace. Three days of no anxiety. Ever since I had the sermon on God's power and strength. Since I put the time in to study the Word of God on fear and anxiety. I downloaded two different sermon series on anxiety, one by Joyce Meyers and one by John MacArthur. I think that I may have finally surrendered to God for the first time this problem.

Honestly, I have been changing my mind on my move to California every 20 minutes, and it had created so much stress. I knew when the decision was made that it was God's will. Since that time I began to wonder if it was or wasn't. So I panicked, like I was drowning. When I should have had faith in God, I didn't. I started fearing the shadows, and focusing on what could go wrong. I wasn't trusting in the power of my God.

I always hear people say, lay it at the foot of the cross. So I do. I lay my problems at the foot of the cross. I have a picture of Jesus hanging over my bed. To the back of his picture I taped an envelope, and when things get tough I write the problem down and put it in the envelope. It's supposed to be symbolic of relinquishing a problem to Christ. However, I know that as soon as I lay something at his feet, I wait a moment and pick it back up again.

It's ridiculous really. What do I think that I can do that he can't? He is the creator of the heaven and the earth. Nothing is beyond his power. Nothing! If you can't trust God, then who can you trust? So, today we work on letting go, and letting God. That's another saying I hear a lot. So today this is my prayer.

Praise Jesus! Thank you, Lord, for the way that you are working in my life. I may not see the things that you have done for me, but I know that you have not abandoned me. Thank you for blessing me each and every day. I trust you to do what needs to be done for me. I may not like the way that you do it, but I trust you. You are my Lord, my savior, and everything that I need. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Day 16 AM

Today is day 16 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Today I am writing about fear...again. Right now the economy isn't that great, and people are losing their jobs. For the most part, Oklahoma education hasn't been that affected. Programs are getting cut, but the jobs are still there.

Now in California it is a different story. Their education bill was voted down, and the lay-offs are overwhelming. Now we all know that come fall all those kids are going to walk back through the doors of their schools, and teachers are going to be needed in those classrooms. They already allow 30 kids per classroom per teacher, but they still need a highly qualified individual in that room.

Now I am leaving Oklahoma and moving to California. All of my secular friends tell me I am making a mistake. I am a teacher with an out-of-state certification competing with local teachers all scrambling for the same job. One of the positions I applied for had over 300 applicants. All I've heard back from the many jobs I have applied to in the last four months, is one nibble.

Last week I called and talked to my veterans adviser, and even he recommended that I wait a year for the education job market to turn around. I listened to all the things he said, and then I asked him if he was a Christian. I told him that although this is a scary time to move, it is God's will for my family. He immediately said that I would be fine, and that I was covered. The same holds true for every believer I have spoken to.

The power of God is an amazing thing. All I did was mention God and a complete stranger told me I could do it. All through the Bible, 253 different verses, we are told how to handle fear. We should fear nothing in this life. The only thing we should be afraid of is the Lord. His power is absolute in all things. If he wants me in a classroom, it doesn't matter what the economy looks like. I just need to be patient and let him do his will in his time.

Proverbs 9:10 NIV
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

However, there is nothing saying that a little prayer wouldn't help. I applied for the perfect job this morning before this post. It is in a great neighborhood, the pay is in the right range, and the academic program is one of the highest in the state. I would love to have this job, so send a couple prayers up to our Father. If it's his will, I would love to have this job. If not, I will keep applying to all of them, until I find the one that He wants me to have.

Matthew 17:20 NIV
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. "

Day 15 PM

Today is day 15 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

This morning I commented on the sermon on the power of God, and how we should be courageous. How can we fear when we are temples for the Holy Spirit. For today's bible study I went to Christianity.com and I searched for the word "fear" in the scriptures. I have found pages of verses. The word of God has unspeakable power. It is the sword carried by Christ when he returns to us.

So the key is to find the scripture in the living word that heals where you are broken, and provides wisdom when you are lost. Take the scripture. Copy it down. Learn it and when the time comes for you to confront it, pull from it. When I confront my fear I will have the God's words to do combat with. I am not strong enough, I need God's grace. I need his living Word.

Psalms 34:4-8 NIV I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look on him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Psalms 27:1 NIV The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalms 112:7-8 NIV He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his face.

Proverbs 29:25 NIV Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

There are so many more. Open your Bible. Let the word of God speak to your heart. Let it be a soothing balm to your spirit. It is the divine promises of your savior.

Day 15 AM

Today is day 15 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 158 pounds
BFI: 27.1%

Yesterday our sermon was video cast all the way from Simi Valley, California. Our preacher was Francis Chan. He spoke about the power and strength of God. He spoke about how Christians should be courageous, and not afraid to believe in God's power. The sermon was amazing. It was as if the sermon was just for me. For I have been living in a state of fear for the last three weeks.

So now I have to correct my "stinkin' thinkin'". I have to make a change of heart. However, I have enough wisdom to know that I cannot change myself. I do not even have the power to add one second to the length of my life. Today I pray that God change me through his grace. Change me in his way, and in his time.

If you would like to hear this sermon, then go to Cornerstone Church.

Day 13 AM

In the Bible it states that Moses had a face-to-face relationship with God that left a glow to his face. His radiance intimidated and scared those around him. So Moses would wear a veil to conceal his face from the others when he wasn't in communication with God.

Moses 34:33-35 NIV
When Moses finished speaking to them, he put a veil over his face. But whenever he entered the LORD's presence to speak with him, he removed the veil until he came out. And when he came out and told the Israelites what he had been commanded, they saw that his face was radiant. Then Moses would put the veil back over his face until he went in to speak with the Lord.

Similarly we all wear masks as well. However, ours is not to hide the glory of God. We use our masks to hide the drama and pain. We use ours to hide our sin. Even with the grace of God and the promise of everlasting life, we find that we still carry around the scars of our sin. Very few of us have the radiance of God glowing in our face.

At home, with a few people, we can be ourselves. We can allow others to see ourselves as vulnerable and flawed. We allow them to see us in our pajamas with greasy hair. We allow them to see what is our true perfection. We allow them to see our brokenness.

For everyone else, we wear a mask. We put on the make-up and the suit. We quip in the elevator about a movie or a show. We laugh and smile and act like everything is okay. We have all the answers and the right moves. Some people call that our winning formula or our game face. Whatever you wish to call it, it is a mask.

We wear our masks so that others won't see the real us. For if they were to see how flawed we are, would they still want to be our friend? If we went on a first date without a mask would we stand a chance? Even with the grace of God and the knowledge that we were born perfect and wonderful in his sight, we still hide who we are under a mask. We hide our uniqueness, so that we can conform to what everyone else thinks is right and good.

I know that I do it. I know that I can go to work and laugh and smile and act as if everything is all right. Meanwhile I am a scared little child on the inside crying out for help. I go to church and I feel like the only sinner in the room. Everyone else seems to have figured life out. They don't seem to be broken, because all I can see is their masks. It is hard to be vulnerable and open before God when your life is crazy and everyone else seems at peace.

At Celebrate Recovery, there are few masks. The group is a collection of broken people who have confessed that they are powerless and are praying for the healing that only God can give. I go there and I see people struggling with everything from drug addiction to low self-esteem, from alcohol to depression. The people in that room have their masks all ready for the real world when they leave the church. But for one or two hours they take them off, set them aside and ask for help. Even Christ, when covered with our sins, cried out for help.

Matthew 27:46 NIV
About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ""Eloi, Eloi," "lama" "sabachthani?""--which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

I think that the first step to gaining the radiance that Moses found comes of having a personal relationship with Christ . Which comes from first being able to remove the mask you have spent a life time creating, and confess to another believer that you are broken. If not at Celebrate Recovery, then find someone somewhere.

Day 12 PM

Today is day 12 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

First, let me apologize to my faithful readers for missing my post this morning. This week has been so difficult. I am under so much stress from pressures in my life, I cannot remember why I wanted to go on this fast. The only reason I haven't visited PapaJohns.com is because I made a promise to God.

True confession, I have been living in a high state of stress for the last three years. In the last month it multiplied exponentially to an impossible level. I spend a large majority of my day managing stress. I am an emotional eater and there is a lot of good food in my kitchen. It would be great if I could use the food to manage the stress, but I won't break my promise to Jesus.

My friend thinks I am a raving lunatic, because every time we talk on the phone I am nearly hysterical. She patiently listens and puts me back on track. She must think I am crazy. However, she is wonderful and I count her as a blessing.

So... keep me in your prayers. Wish me some decent rest, and I will see you again in the morning.

Day 11 PM

Today is day 11 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Today a good friend of mine returned from her vacation. I learned a great piece of news, that turned out to be extremely uplifting. Unknown to me, Jello is a low-carbohydrate snack. It has to be sugar free jello. I had no idea. I rushed to my fridge where my daughter had some jello, and it was the greatest treat. Cool whip is also low carb, so a bit of jello with whipped cream made a special, and unexpected desert today.

Now for the confession. I am tired of fasting. I am tired of the restrictions of this diet. There is a Sonic Drive-In not far from my house, and I can't drive by it without yearning for a burger and fries. Now I can have the burger, just without bread or fries. Then there is my true love of food, the pepperoni pizza. Which I can have the pepperoni, the cheese, and a half cup of sauce. I just can't have the crust. What would be the point of that?

Can you imagine the guy at Dominos taking that order? Sir, can I have a pepperoni pizza with no crust?

Day 11 AM

Today is day 11 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 160 pounds
BFI: 27.5%

The weight is starting to come off again, and I am very pleased. It's not that I want to be skinny, but it feels good to be gaining something.

Spoke with a friend of mine about God's will and her answers provided more insight. Although there is nothing definitive or measurable. There is no way to know a concrete yes or no. How could you measure a God that is beyond measuring? His power is absolute and unwavering.

Today I get spend some quality time with my niece, and she is always a delight to be around. I am constantly in awe of children. God says that the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. I watch my daughter, and her faith is beautiful to me. She has no doubt or question. God is God and he can do anything. She doesn't try to explain or rationalize. She believes innocently and purely. She doesn't question her God.

To my daughter, God is absolutely powerful. The stories in the bible don't need archeological verification for her to believe them. He is her Father and she believes anything and everything he tells her. When she prayers she speaks to her savior like she is speaking to a friend. Once she asked God to bless the Justice League, and she named them all for him to be sure he didn't miss one.

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood we lose that innocence, and it must grieve our Father to have the separation of sin between us. We suddenly know everything and we don't need any help. We can do it all, and we only ask for God's help after we have made the mess. He becomes an accessory. The creator of heaven and earth is put in a little box that we only open on Sundays or when trouble comes.

There are a lot of things that my daughter does not know. She doesn't know how to balance a checkbook. She doesn't know how to drive a car. She can't multiple four times seven to get twenty-eight. She does know God. When it comes to faith, she is my teacher. I want to be like her in my faith.

Matthew 18:3 NIV And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Mark 10:14-16 NIV When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

An Invitation to Salvation

Do you need to be closer to your savior? Do you want the peace that comes from having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Jesus wants you in the Kingdom and you can have it. All it takes is a confession of faith.

Romans 10:9-10
If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved.

Romans 10:13
For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

You can have the relationship with Christ that your spirit longs for. He is waiting for you to reach out to him.

Find out more about the Prayer of Salvation. For your convenience part of this site is posted on this blog.

Prayer of Salvation - Our First Real Conversation With God
The "prayer of salvation" is the most important prayer we'll ever pray. When we're ready to become a Christian, we're ready to have our first real conversation with God, and these are its components:

• We acknowledge that Jesus Christ is God; that He came to earth as a man in order to live the sinless life that we cannot live; that He died in our place, so that we would not have to pay the penalty we deserve.
• We confess our past life of sin -- living for ourselves and not obeying God.
• We admit we are ready to trust Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord.
• We ask Jesus to come into our heart, take up residence there, and begin living through us.

If you chose to give your life to Christ today, leave me a comment. I would love to read your testimony.

Day 10 AM

Today is day 10 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 163 pounds
BFI: 28.0%

Yesterday I received a most interesting email. It contained in it a prayer that was forwarded to me and that I was to forward on to others. Now I must confess that I do not read forwards as a rule, but for some reason I read this one. Inside it I read a line that had a most profound impact on my way of thinking and my search for wisdom. "Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from you."

The idea that I cannot hear God's will, because I am not listening had occurred to me, but the idea that I couldn't hear him for all the worry that clouds my mind was new. I have been so busy worrying about all the details of my near future that I did not allow my Father to speak to me. It's like trying to have a conversation with someone that talks too much. My Father couldn't get a word in edgewise. I was so busy praying and doing all the talking that I spared not a moment to listen.

So I am going to take my mind off of worry for the rest of the week and focus on doing God's work. This morning I am going to visit my dear friend at summer school, and spend some time with the kids I have been teaching for the last two years. This evening it is off to Woman's Bible Study with another friend. Thursday, Friday and Saturday I have volunteered to work on the church's clean slate project. Clean slate is like extreme home make-over, but done locally by our church.

None of these things will make me any money or put me any closer to the financial goal I have set before I move. However, all of these things are acts of service. God wants me to serve others. I am to get out of bed each day, and hear the devil say, "Darn, she's up again." I am to strive everyday to give of myself to others.

I am sorry to admit that for the last week I have been about the business of serving myself and my own gain. I have kept my budget open on my computer constantly inspecting it to make sure the money will be in place, and working on-line marketing ventures to fill in the gaps. This process has kept me isolated from the body of Christ, and serving only myself. So for the rest of this week I will do God's work, and trust that the bottom line will balance when the time comes.

"Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude."

Day 9 PM - God's Will

Today is day 9 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 165 pounds
BFI: 28.3%

This evening I feel compelled to speak about God's will. One of the driving questions of my most recent state is how do you know if something is God's will or my will. Just today I spoke to my daughter about God's will. I am sure she understood it about as well as I do. He is my most holy father, and I wish to be obedient to him, but how do I know if I am?

In the quest to answer this question, I have consulted several christians whom I greatly admire and respect. One of the answers I received is that if you are doing God's will it will never require you to sin. Any sin committed to fulfill God's will proves that it is not His will. This truth brings a new understanding to the crusade, doesn't it.

Another response I received is that if a decision is made in accordance with God's will you find a great peace in it. You might question your decision later, but initially you find peace. As if while God was watching you He nodded his approval. You feel fulfilled like a student getting the right answer for your teacher.

Over the course of my life I have made many decisions, and a great deal of them were wrong. They ended in heartache and sorrow. So it has become more important than anything to do God's will in every aspect of my life. In addition to that, it has become equally important to teach my daughter that kind of life.

One of the greatest things I have ever heard, that changed my life was this. A most respected Christian friend's father is dying. She told me that her greatest inheritance from him was his faith. She grew up watching a man that devoted his life to the service of God. She can remember him praying for their family, acting in faith, and serving. His model of total faith was her inheritance.

That is what I want for my daughter. I want her to have an inheritance in faith. So I look to God's will when making choices for myself and for my family. I want her to see what an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ looks like, and the peace that it brings. I want my daughter blessed with the grace and mercy of her savior Jesus Christ more than anything else I could hope to gain in this life.

So my question is this... How do you know God's Will?

Day 9 AM

Today is day 9 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 163 pounds
BFI: 28.0%

Hit a speed bump in the diet. No, I didn't cheat. Although I had a dream last night where I ate a lot. Started with candy, and then moved into chips. I also had a great big fluffy biscuit with gravy. However, all that was just a dream.

No, the speed bump I encountered was yesterday while working out. I have a few work-out DVDs. Nothing fancy, I got them at the dollar store. The one I was doing yesterday was low-impact aerobics. I was in the middle of "grape vine" when I felt something give in my back. Right now it's not serious. Just a tender spot halfway down my spine, but not something I want to mess with. So I am taking a couple of days off of anything that complex.

I did learn that I can jog in place as long as I keep my arms close to my sides. I am going to try stepping this morning, but even that might be more than I want to mess with. This set back certainly makes the ab routine I had scheduled for today more difficult.

Wish me luck-

Day 8 AM

Today is day 8 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 163 pounds
BFI: 28.0%

Looking at my weight over the last week it looks like my weight isn't coming off as much or as fast as I would like. It's also important to weight yourself at the same time everyday. By weighing twice a day you will create a yo-yo effect on your weight. Also consider that for women your weight will fluctuate through-out the month, and there is nothing you can do to stop that.

However, there are other measurements to consider. When combining weight loss with exercise your weight may not come off on the scale, so you have to look at your other measurements. I use SparkPeople to manage my carbohydrate intake and to track my weight and measurements. On the first day of the fast I measured my waist, my hips and my neck. Some programs call for you to measure your wrist, forearm or bicep. It all depends on what program you use.

On Day 1, my waist measured 40 inches, my hips measured 43 inches and my neck measured 14 inches. On day 8 my waist measures at 38 inches, my hips measure 41.75 inches and my neck measures 13 inches. So the weight is coming off. The number on the scale can't tell you whether the weight is muscle mass or fat, so it is important to monitor the areas where fat collects on your body.

The week before the fast I was wearing my size 16 jeans because they were the only ones that weren't uncomfortable. Now I have these super baggy jeans to wear around the house, but when they become the only ones that fit I have a problem. This week I have been wearing my usual size 12 jeans. They are tight, but not painfully tight. Give them a couple more weeks and they will fit great.

Day 7 PM

Today is day 7 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 167 pounds
BFI: 28.7%

Why Atkins? There are lots of diets out there? Why choose this one for your fast? Well, plainly spoken a fast is to sacrifice something you want desperately. I am addicted to carbohydrates. I love and adore them, even though I know they are bad for me. Even during this fast I think about them constantly. I caught myself today reading a box of instant mashed potatoes.

I also chose Atkins because it works, and because I believe in it. I have read the research and I find it to be rational. It goes against popular belief and has drawn enormous criticism. Like all dieting programs you need to consult a doctor before doing any form of drastic dieting or implementing a new work-out program. Atkins is not for everyone, and it is not designed for children.

Yet, I know that it works. A year ago I did Atkins, and I lost weight and felt great doing it. One of the popular arguments is that you do lose weight, but you immediately gain it all back. I lost the weight, and I did gain it back plus interest. However, I gained it back over the course of a year.

I gained the weight because I chose to eat foods that are not healthy for me. I was the one that chose to eat double helpings at meals, and stock my cabinets with chips, cookies and other snacks. That is not a flaw in the diet. Atkins did not make me fat. My choices did. I didn't exercise. I didn't eat healthy. I didn't control my eatings. It is no surprise that I ended up 40 pounds overweight.

I chose Atkins because it works. It works for me and it works for many other people. Check the research. Inform yourself. Talk to your doctor. After all that, go for it. It might be exactly what you are looking for.

Day 7 AM

Today is day 6 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 162 pounds
BFI: 27.8%

This post is slightly delayed so that I could share what happened at my worship service this morning. With my fast I didn't know what to expect when I went to church. When you open yourself to the Lord you can get knocked off your feet, and that is what happened this morning.

I missed the beginning of the service because I was serving elsewhere in the building when it started. I walked in halfway through the service and found a seat in the middle. The pastor ws talking about the soveriegnty of Jesus and how he is seated on a throne in heaven. Why should we fear when our Father is in Heaven and is in control of everything. We can trust Him to control the orbit of the planets and the weather, but not the little everyday things.

Now I am a very shy person, almost crippling shy. I like to go unnoticed. In high school I used to stutter if put on the spot, and even now it will come back when I become anxious or stressed. Not cool. This is relevant because when I go to worship service, I do not put my hands up. I see people singing with all their hearts, they hands stretched out in praise, and I want to be one of them, but I don't do it.

I once saw a movie called David, with Richard Gere. In the movie, as they are bringing the Ark of the Covenant to the temple, he leads the procession into the city. The whole way there he dances like a mad man. Losing himself in praise to the Glory of God. When I attend worship, I feel like David. I want to dance like a mad woman in the aisles, but I don't. I keep my hands clasped behind my back and sing softly.

I have reflected on this often, and my conclusions are not good. Why don't I do what my heart is telling me to do? Why don't I raise my hands and sing out how much I love my Father? Is it because I am worried about what others will think? Is it because the man next to me is resolutely watching in a stoic manner? That's a silly reason to deny Christ.

I love my daughter more than any person in the world. I will make an absolute fool of myself in a public place for her. Running through the airport to hug her. Dancing in a grocery store to make her smile. Singing where people can hear me if she is upset. It's because I love her so much. If I can do it for my daughter, why can't I do it for my savior?

So today, our pastor ended the prayer with a request for the people. If you feel like you are not close to your God, then come and kneel at the altar to pray while the band plays. I am in the middle of a fast. I yearn to be obedient to God, and to humble myself before him. So the lights dimmed and I forced myself to walk up there with the many others. I knelt before the altar, with tears streaming down my face, as my insides clenched in fear. There are over 3000 people that attend our church every week.

I wanted God to know that my love is stronger than my fear. I wanted him to know that I will be obedient against any fear. I prayed my love for him, and tried to show my devotion through humility. After I returned to my seat, I stood with my arms outstretched over my head, even though I was the only one in my row to do so. I was horrified, but my love for Christ is stronger than my fear.

I consider this a victory for Christ. I didn't care about the fear that has plagued me for over 25 years. Today I stood for my Lord. I thought about Peter denying Christ, and his shame. I don't want that shame. I want to stand for my Lord, and today I finally did.

Praise Jesus!

If you would like to hear this sermon, click this link. The Church at Battlecreek

Today is day 6 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 167 pounds
BFI: 28.7%

Today found me much about the business of getting work done. The Lord spoke to me through the support of many people, and I felt strengthened by it. Even though my cat was less than supportive I managed to find my way.

Tomorrow is the Lord's day. Which means I get up early to do preschool bible study, and then attend church. We are starting a new sermon series and I am anxious to hear it. This obedience to God has given me a desire to have eyes to see and ears to hear from Him.

1 Samuel 12:16 NIV
"Now then, stand still and see this great thing the LORD is about to do before your eyes!"

Mark 8:18 NIV
"Do you have eyes but fail to see, and ears but fail to hear? And don't you remember?"

I want so much to receive God's word. To receive his living word and have it renew my spirit. Through renewal I want to be on fire for Christ, and I yearn to be his obedient servant. I pray that God use me as his will would have it.

-M

Day 6 AM

Today is day 6 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 164 pounds
BFI: 28.1%

This is the third time I have attempted to write this blog. I find that I don't have that much to say. I feel tired, and unmotivated. Perhaps it was staying up till 1 in the morning, or the obstacles in life that tend to trip us up. Like this morning the cat, climbed into the open dryer to pee on my clean clothes, while I carried an armful of them to my room.

This morning I am praying to God for something uplifting. Something to go well. A phone call from a friend or just some unexpected smile or a laugh. Being a teacher in the summer is difficult because I just don't have enough to do.

It's times like that this that faith is really tested. When you don't feel like being faithful. When your tired and you don't want to be obedient. That is why this is the most important time to turn to God's word. I surrender my will to your will, Lord.

Joshua 1:9 NLT
"This is my command - be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

-M

Day 5 PM

Today is day 5 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 166 pounds
BFI: 28.5%

Friday night I periodically attend Celebrate Recovery a scripture based program to deal with the hurts, hang-ups and habits of your life. It is based on the 8 Beatitudes found in the gospel of Matthew. However, I don't need to go every week because I don't have any serious problems right? Nothing I can't handle, right? Wrong.

There I heard a woman give a stunning testimony, that had a great impact on me. It was if someone had held up a mirror in front of me and all my sin was laid about before me. This woman was giving a public testimony of the things that had kept her from Christ, and I had all of those.

I realized tonight that I had forgotten that a fast is a show of obedience to Christ, and that I am to humble myself before him. I haven't been humble. I believed myself to be in control. I believed that I could do this, and I would only turn to God in my need. The truth is that all people are in need of God at all times.

Tonight, privately, I will be taking an inventory of my sin, and I will repent before God. I am a sinner. I sometimes forget that part when I praise my savior. I sometimes get stuck on the promises to the righteous. I forget that it is by His grace that I am among the righteous and not that I am truly a righteous person. The promises in the Bible are for me. Christ died for me, but not because I am righteous. I am a sinner, washed clean in the blood of Christ.

So if you should participate in a fast, remember that you are to be humble before God. Take an inventory of your life, find your sins. Not just the obvious ones, all of them. Lay them down before the cross and repent. Kneel before you king and ask forgiveness. That is humility. Not Bible study or fasting. That is just a show of obedience. Give your king your true humility.

Allow yourself to be taken down and rebuilt as a grateful believer in Jesus Christ. Heck...we got 35 more days to recover from the deconstruction of previously held beliefs. Surrender your will, your lifestyle, and become someone new in Christ. He died for us, and that is Amazing Grace.

-Meredith

Day 5 AM

Today is day 5 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 164 pounds
BFI: 28.1%

I cannot believe that it is already day 5. I feel like I am almost done. That is incredible. Praise God!

I have noticed, as you might of as well, that my morning posts are a lot more positive and optimistic than my evening posts. Part of that is that my morning posts come directly after my Bible study and my quiet time with God. How could any one feel negative after some one on one time with our most glorious creator?

Secondly, I wait entirely too long to write my evening posts. Most of them come after 11 PM, when my body has been telling me since 9 to go to sleep. I am not always a good listener. I know that when the sun comes up I will be up, which is usually 6:30ish. Doesn't matter how late I stay up, I am up with the sun. The curse of the early riser, or the thin curtains.

Yesterday I finally finished Deuteronomy in my study Bible. The Pentateuch is a hard read. It starts out all exciting with Genesis and the early chapters of Exodus. Then we have pages and pages of animal sacrifice, tent dimensions and reiteration of the covenant. This morning I get to start Joshua and it was all I could do not to dance out of my room this morning.

Don't get me wrong, all of the Bible is important. It is God's living word, and every time you read it you learn something new and relevant. All of it leads to the renewal of your spirit and a closer relationship with Jesus Christ. However, I find some pages incredibly tedious to get through. Lord forgive me.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store, forgot to post this in my exhausted state last night. The grocery store is a very dangerous place for those of us fasting or dieting. Each package jumps off the shelf into your cart. Your favorite foods force you to linger slowly past them as if saying goodbye to long lost friends. I know that Mr.Digourno has missed me. So here are some tips to keep to the narrow path.

1. Eat before you shop. A lot of the bad food gets into our cart because we are so hungry that everything looks good.

2. Make a list. Only buy what is on the list. The list is made at home when you are still rational and focused.

3. Avoid the candy aisle, the cookie aisle and the chip aisle. Regardless of what diet you are on, you don't need anything down there. As much as we would like to believe it, there isn't a display of health food in between the chips. They didn't suddenly move the apples next to the Oreos. Don't even tempt yourself.

4. Read the label. Whatever diet or fast you are choosing to follow all the information is on the label. If you are not sure if you can have an item, then read the label. It's all there.

Have a great day! Stay Strong in Christ!
-Meredith

Day 4 PM

Today is day 4 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 164 pounds
BFI: 28.1%

Do not be alarmed that the weight is coming off so fast. There are two things that contribute to the rapid weight loss at the beginning of a diet. The first is that you lose water weight. I am still drinking water, but that's what the book says. Go Figure. Secondly, it comes from not eating when you aren't hungry and stopping when you get full.

I think I carry a lot of extra weight from wanting to keep my plate clean. So I pack the food in, even after I am full. Or it tastes so good, I just don't want the meal to be over. Then I end up feeling too full, and not ready to eat at the next meal. Which I do anyway. Now that I am fasting, I just don't do that.

Today I learned that strawberries are a low-carbohydrate food. A small strawberry has 1.97 carbohydrates. So they are back in the fast. According to Atkins I can't have this for two more weeks. However, fruit is healthy and good for you, and I am going to eat it. It's not over my 40 carbohydrate limit, so there you go.

Today was a tough day though. It seems that the more determined you are to be obedient to God, the more the devil shakes up your life. It's like living in a snow globe. Every time I go to pray the devil shakes that globe and I find myself in a blizzard of drama. Not fun.

However, I persevered and did not order a pizza. Because we all know that pizza will fix everything.

With that thought, I will wish you good evening and pleasant dreams. May God keep watch over us all as we sleep...because I think the devil is reaching for my snow globe again.

-Meredith

Testimony

Share your testimony with me. Type it in the comments. There is a lot of power in speaking God's word. Write it here, and be liberated. Use the links provided to find more information. I have a couple of great pastors marked, and an online bible tool. Start renewing your body and spirit. We can do it together.

Leave a comment, share your testimony.

Day 4 AM

Today is day 4 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 166 pounds
BFI: 28.5%

During the first stage of Atkins your body is still in a state of detoxification. You body is slowly weening itself off of the carbohydrate addiction. You feel lousy, you want to quit. You may have trouble sleeping. You may feel like absolute crap. I know that the first time I did it, I thought I was losing my mind. For example, this morning I wanted to eat a clipart of a pizza.

However, you have to remain strong. You have to find something to satisfy your desire to eat, the flavor of sweet, but isn't going to start you back on your addiction. Once you get through this first crazy stage, then you start to feel strong and energized. You have less of an urge to eat, and if you do cheat and eat something not on the diet, you actually feel sick. It was this experience more than anything that showed me that we just weren't meant to eat processed flour. I love it, it just doesn't love me back. -sigh- such sweet sorrow.

The trick with the first phase of Atkins is to induce Ketosis. What is that? According to About.com Ketosis is – "a situation where fat metabolites show up in the urine where they can be detected with Ketostix." And why is this important? "ketosis (is) a sign that people are using fat for energy" How will I know that I have reached this crucial stage? "When people are in a state of ketosis, their appetite tends to diminish. They also may have changes in their breath as extra ketones are expelled from the lungs as well as the urine."

So yes, the beginning of the end is bad breath. Once your breath and your urine start to smell strange you have almost reached the end of the hard part. The blood sugar roller coaster that has you so tired at 3 PM, as advertisers like to show on commercials, will stop. The mind fog that you try to function through will stop. It all gets easier from there.

What this means for me is that I need to hold fast to scripture. BTW, I never found the scripture on pickles. So let's look in the bible for something on temptation...

Matthew 26:41 NIV
"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."

That's a good one. Watch and pray. So get out your Bible and find a scripture that will lift you up. I like this one because it is a promise to those with faith.

Matthew 17:20-21 NIV
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. "

Today will be a good day for us. Praise God!

Day 3 PM

Today is day 3 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 169 pounds
BFI: 29%

Today was a tougher day. It was longer and harder than the previous days. I think it mostly has to do with the amount of time I am currently spending on the computer combined with my overwhelming distaste for wearing my glasses. The Yo-Yo weight doesn't really bother me, I think it is more the time spent on the Internet trying to advertise my blog.

Today I had lots of veggies and green food. Although I realized two things. 1. I need to have pickles at my house. 2. I should have been taking multivitamins. Today was my last day with no exercises. Tomorrow I get to do STEP aerobics combined with an abdominal workout. If I am going to start dropping weight then I need to tone up. Don't want flaps of skin hanging off of me.

Today during the hardest part of the day I did what God always wants for his children to do. I reached out to another believer. She is a great spirit with a strong and intimate relationship with Christ. The advice and comfort she gave me was based on God's word and it filled the emptiness that had felt so overwhelming only moments before.

God never meant for us to be alone. He wants us to fellowship with other believers and then go out and spread His love to everyone we encounter. In the morning I pray for a person I can help. Yesterday I got to run an errand for my sister. Prayer spoken, and answered. Today I haven't gotten to help anyone. My hope is that someone visited this blog and felt something. Perhaps someone came and clicked on the Prayer for Salvation link.

We can't always see the way God works or how he affects those that we bump into during the run of our day. But we need to trust that He does. Praise be to God.

-Meredith

An Invitation to Salvation

Do you need to be closer to your savior? Do you want the peace that comes from having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Jesus wants you in the Kingdom and you can have it. All it takes is a confession of faith.

Romans 10:9-10
If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved.

Romans 10:13
For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

You can have the relationship with Christ that your spirit longs for. He is waiting for you to reach out to him.

Find out more about the Prayer of Salvation. For your convenience part of this site is posted on this blog.

Prayer of Salvation - Our First Real Conversation With God
The "prayer of salvation" is the most important prayer we'll ever pray. When we're ready to become a Christian, we're ready to have our first real conversation with God, and these are its components:

• We acknowledge that Jesus Christ is God; that He came to earth as a man in order to live the sinless life that we cannot live; that He died in our place, so that we would not have to pay the penalty we deserve.
• We confess our past life of sin -- living for ourselves and not obeying God.
• We admit we are ready to trust Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord.
• We ask Jesus to come into our heart, take up residence there, and begin living through us.

If you chose to give your life to Christ today, leave me a comment. I would love to read your testimony.

Day 3 AM

Today is day 3 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 166 pounds
BFI: 28.5%

In my study of scripture I always try to find a way to be obedient to the word of God. So when I found this one, I felt the need to clarify what I am doing on this blog in accordance to what the Word says.

Matthew 6:16-18
"When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you."

I will start by sharing the fact that none of the names in the blog are true. They have been changed to protect the innocent. This includes mine. I am sharing a journey of obedience, not a display of my own sacrifice or glory. This is all for God's glory and that is why I am posting under a pseudonym.

I want to share how great our God is through testimony of what he has done for me, and not what I have done for myself. In the past Atkins was extremely difficult. What you are doing is going through detoxification from a carbohydrate addiction. Within 72 hours your body will start craving food it doesn't need.

However, with prayer and keeping this as a God-centered fast there have been no cravings. This is day 3 and I don't feel like a desperate crazy woman driven to eat junk. That's God's power, not mine. If I were doing a fast on my own with no scripture to support and guide me I would not be this successful.

1 Corinthians 10:13 NIV
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

However, there is a personal gain to this. Some might say that the numbers at the top are shrinking and that I will get to look great in that bikini. I say to you that this is for God's glory. My body is a temple that houses the Holy Spirit. It has been against God's will that I allowed his temple to fall into disrepair. This shell is also temporary, because I am in the world not of the world.

As my pastor once said, this body is like a vacation home that I am borrowing from a friend. Would I stay in his house and tear it up, or would I care for it and leave it looking nice and clean.

Keeping oneself fit and healthy is obedience to God's will for us. It is not vanity, although it can be. It is not pride, although it can be that too. God wants us to be healthy so that when he calls on us to serve him we can say, "Yes, Lord" Not so we can tell him we are too big to fit on the airplane, or that we have a health condition brought on by gluttony.

So today is day 3, which means it is the last day without exercise. The Atkins regime recommends that you relax for three days from exercise while your body adjusts to the new diet. Some people feel sick, tired or just plan out of sorts. However, within the first few days you should start some form of physical exercise. I looked it up and typing doesn't count. (shoot!)

Diet - Exercise = Not healthy.

All for God's Glory! Praise be to God!

Day 2 PM

Today is day 2 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 170 pounds
BFI: 29.2%

Today I came face to face with temptation. Under the name of Hand-Spun Milkshakes at Chick-Fil-A. I went to get some chicken, perfectly acceptable, and all of the fast food choices seemed to leap off the menu in 3-D effect. However, I focused on God and my commitment of obedience, and I walked out of the restaurant with only my chicken.

However, I am putting that on the top of my list for foods I want to have on July 11, the day after my fast. I am adding to it Real Heinz Ketchup. For the fast I have low-sugar ketchup that only has one carb per serving. It will do, but it's not like the real thing.

Went to dinner with my sister tonight. They were having hamburgers. Found out that pickles are low carb, so while they had their cheetos, I ate a pickle. Could have had chips and no one would have judged, but I love my heavenly Father so much, I ate a pickle. I think there might be a scripture about love being a pickle, I will get back to you tomorrow.

I can confess that doing Atkins this time has been so much easier. Perhaps because this is a God-centered fast, and not just a diet. My motive is to glorify God and not to fit into a bikini. This has nothing to do with my pride or my vanity and everything to do with becoming closer to the one whose grace saved me.

Ezra 8:21 NIV
There by the Ahava canal, I proclaimed a fast, so that we might humble ourselves before our God and ask him for a safe journey for us and our children, and all our possessions.

I want my spirit to be renewed and sanctified in his word. I want to show God my love with forty days of obedience. I am not miserable. I am not unhappy. I am not suffering or doing without anything that is that important. I am full of energy and joy. Even waking up at 5 AM to anxiety, I still feel well rested.

Praise be to God!
-Meredith

Day 2 AM

Today is day 2 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 170 pounds
BFI: 29.2%

Day 2 started really early. This morning I was awoken at 5 am by anxiety. I had been having a dream where I was fighting with someone. This dream got my brain thinking, and I was unable to shut it off. What this tells me is that I am not resting at peace in the arms of My Lord.

The hardest thing for me to do is to not think. The bible says do not worry. Yet, I worry. The bible says do not be anxious. Yet, I am anxious. It is against scripture to worry, and I then begin to worry that I am not being obedient to God, and it begins a cascade failure of stress.

After 30 minutes of tossing around worrying about everything from money to my relationship with God I get up. I surrender my mornings sleep, with the hope of having a nap later. I know what scripture says, so I immediately go to my Bible and look to His Word, and I am brought to Matthew 6:25-34.

Matthew 6 tells you not to worry, for your father loves you. Look at the birds, they do not worry, yet they always have food to eat. They never go without. Joyce Meyer says they also don't sit there feeling sorry for themselves. John McArthur says that you never see a lazy bird either. Then we look to the lilies of the field, how they clothe the grass which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace. Not even Solomon in his glory was clothed this grandly.

How much more will your Father give to you, his beloved child? When your child asks you for something are you not willing to give it? Are we more than our Father that we can provide for our children but he can't?

So I come to this scripture, and with it a sense of peace...

Matthew 6:31-34 NLT
So don't worry about these things, saying, "What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear? " These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today.

This means that whatever I accomplish today it is not nearly as important as my motive while accomplishing it. My motive from the moment my eyes open to the moment when sleep finds me is to be God. I need to look for God in all things that I do today. Today I need to find a way to bring glory to my Father. Today my focus needs to be greater than the things of this world, and I need to begin storing up my treasures in heaven.

I cannot say that I will not worry today. I cannot say that I will not fear for tomorrow. However, I can say that my focus today is learning more about my Father. My focus today is to do whatever I need to do righteously. If it is something small, then I will do that something small for my Father. If it is something grand then I will do that something grand for my Father.

Today I get out of bed, drop to my knees and praise God! Joy be upon me that I have the love and support of my creator. I may not stop my brain from thinking, but I will change the words that the devil would have me hear to the words my Lord gave me. Through thinking on his word I find wisdom and I find righteousness. Praise to God!

Today I will meditate on this scripture...
Philippians 4:6-9
Romans 10:9-10

Day 1 PM

I have gambled much and lost much during the course of my life. The consequences of the choices I have made cost me more than I thought I could ever pay. I have taken a life started well, and financially I have driven it into a hole in the ground. I can’t answer the phone for fear of the creditor on the other end.

I feel like I lose two paces for every one that I gain. I have spent the last three days working on social networking so that I can earn enough money to move to a town where I don’t even have a job. How does that sound for wisdom?

The decisions of my past I take wholly and completely on my own shoulders. They were my bad choices, and I cannot regret them, because they brought me the most wonderful little girl I have ever wished for. Shortly after the sky fell, I found Christ. He had been there the whole time, but I had done everything on my own.

Since then, I have looked to His Word. I am committed to being obedient to His will above all things. I am doing what I believe is His will even if it sounds ridiculous and unfounded. Once a year my church holds a fast. They do it in fellowship as a symbol of obedience to Christ and His word. At the time of their fast I wasn’t in a position to participate.

Now, with so much change in my future looming in front of me, and so much uncertainty I need my savior more than anything. I am spending the next forty days in devotion to His will. I am studying His scripture and arming myself with the wisdom of His Word. When I go forth into the future I will be protected by the armor of God.

In the Bible it is written again and again how Jesus devoted himself in prayer to have time to spend with his father. It is also written that he started his ministry with a forty day fast. Jesus also spent a large portion of his life studying and teaching scripture. What better model for a servant than to follow their Lord.

The first day of the fast has come and gone. I stayed true to the rules of the fast. I have eaten the right foods. I have done a low-impact workout. I have spent time in prayer, and I have studied his word.

I have no fear of an uncertain future. The promises of the Bible are clear and easy to understand. Our Lord loves us and wants to provide the things that we need. I don’t need to see the entire path to take the first step. I will proceed in faith. Faith in the promises of the Bible. Faith in God’s love for me. Faith that all can be accomplished through Him that strengthens me.

Numbers 23:19 NIV
“God is not a man that he should lie, nor a son of man that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?”

Why am I here?

I am a devoted Christian and a grateful believer in Jesus Christ.

I am a 35 year old woman.

I am a single mother.

I am forty pounds overweight.

I have a body fat index of 29.6%, less than .4% from being officially obese.

For the next forty days I will take you with me on my fast. I will disclose the emotions and revelations I endure while bringing myself closer to my Creator. I will pray and study the Bible. I will share how my spirit is renewed by obedience to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

For the next forty days I will be subscribing to the Atkins diet, and I will maintain a diet that is below forty carbohydrates per day. During a fast people can give up any number of things, but for this fast I am giving up my carbohydrate addiction. Within the limit of forty carbohydrates, I am further restricting my carbohydrate intake to healthy green vegetables and fruit. I will not eat bread, pasta, or other processed flour for the next 40 days. This also includes food that is high in sugar.

I cannot say that I will always be positive. I cannot say that I will always be strong. What I can say is that I will always be faithful, even when I feel broken and small. I don't know all the answers, and the path is not always clear. However I am faithful to the truth that God knows all and that through His Word I will be successful.

In All Things Let Your Will Be Done!

Day 1 AM

Today is day 1 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 172 pounds
BFI: 29.6%

This is the beginning of my diet, but it is also a fast.

I will break a diet in a minute. I will cheat and sneak in foods because being thin isn't that important to me. I would like to be thin, and I enjoy wearing small cute clothes, but when it gets tough...I fold.

However, I am not starting a diet this time, I am starting a fast. Whatever happens at the end of the forty days happens. In the mean time I am devoting my body and my spirit to God for the next forty days.

My body is a temple that houses the Holy Spirit. I need to care for it as a testimony of my obedience to the Lord. So for the next 40 days instead of picking up candy, I will drop to my knees and lift up prayer. Instead of reading labels I will lose myself in God's word.

If I lose weight and get healthy, it is all to His Glory.

Praise Jesus!