Day 13 AM

In the Bible it states that Moses had a face-to-face relationship with God that left a glow to his face. His radiance intimidated and scared those around him. So Moses would wear a veil to conceal his face from the others when he wasn't in communication with God.

Moses 34:33-35 NIV
When Moses finished speaking to them, he put a veil over his face. But whenever he entered the LORD's presence to speak with him, he removed the veil until he came out. And when he came out and told the Israelites what he had been commanded, they saw that his face was radiant. Then Moses would put the veil back over his face until he went in to speak with the Lord.

Similarly we all wear masks as well. However, ours is not to hide the glory of God. We use our masks to hide the drama and pain. We use ours to hide our sin. Even with the grace of God and the promise of everlasting life, we find that we still carry around the scars of our sin. Very few of us have the radiance of God glowing in our face.

At home, with a few people, we can be ourselves. We can allow others to see ourselves as vulnerable and flawed. We allow them to see us in our pajamas with greasy hair. We allow them to see what is our true perfection. We allow them to see our brokenness.

For everyone else, we wear a mask. We put on the make-up and the suit. We quip in the elevator about a movie or a show. We laugh and smile and act like everything is okay. We have all the answers and the right moves. Some people call that our winning formula or our game face. Whatever you wish to call it, it is a mask.

We wear our masks so that others won't see the real us. For if they were to see how flawed we are, would they still want to be our friend? If we went on a first date without a mask would we stand a chance? Even with the grace of God and the knowledge that we were born perfect and wonderful in his sight, we still hide who we are under a mask. We hide our uniqueness, so that we can conform to what everyone else thinks is right and good.

I know that I do it. I know that I can go to work and laugh and smile and act as if everything is all right. Meanwhile I am a scared little child on the inside crying out for help. I go to church and I feel like the only sinner in the room. Everyone else seems to have figured life out. They don't seem to be broken, because all I can see is their masks. It is hard to be vulnerable and open before God when your life is crazy and everyone else seems at peace.

At Celebrate Recovery, there are few masks. The group is a collection of broken people who have confessed that they are powerless and are praying for the healing that only God can give. I go there and I see people struggling with everything from drug addiction to low self-esteem, from alcohol to depression. The people in that room have their masks all ready for the real world when they leave the church. But for one or two hours they take them off, set them aside and ask for help. Even Christ, when covered with our sins, cried out for help.

Matthew 27:46 NIV
About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ""Eloi, Eloi," "lama" "sabachthani?""--which means, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?"

I think that the first step to gaining the radiance that Moses found comes of having a personal relationship with Christ . Which comes from first being able to remove the mask you have spent a life time creating, and confess to another believer that you are broken. If not at Celebrate Recovery, then find someone somewhere.

Day 12 PM

Today is day 12 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

First, let me apologize to my faithful readers for missing my post this morning. This week has been so difficult. I am under so much stress from pressures in my life, I cannot remember why I wanted to go on this fast. The only reason I haven't visited PapaJohns.com is because I made a promise to God.

True confession, I have been living in a high state of stress for the last three years. In the last month it multiplied exponentially to an impossible level. I spend a large majority of my day managing stress. I am an emotional eater and there is a lot of good food in my kitchen. It would be great if I could use the food to manage the stress, but I won't break my promise to Jesus.

My friend thinks I am a raving lunatic, because every time we talk on the phone I am nearly hysterical. She patiently listens and puts me back on track. She must think I am crazy. However, she is wonderful and I count her as a blessing.

So... keep me in your prayers. Wish me some decent rest, and I will see you again in the morning.

Day 11 PM

Today is day 11 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Today a good friend of mine returned from her vacation. I learned a great piece of news, that turned out to be extremely uplifting. Unknown to me, Jello is a low-carbohydrate snack. It has to be sugar free jello. I had no idea. I rushed to my fridge where my daughter had some jello, and it was the greatest treat. Cool whip is also low carb, so a bit of jello with whipped cream made a special, and unexpected desert today.

Now for the confession. I am tired of fasting. I am tired of the restrictions of this diet. There is a Sonic Drive-In not far from my house, and I can't drive by it without yearning for a burger and fries. Now I can have the burger, just without bread or fries. Then there is my true love of food, the pepperoni pizza. Which I can have the pepperoni, the cheese, and a half cup of sauce. I just can't have the crust. What would be the point of that?

Can you imagine the guy at Dominos taking that order? Sir, can I have a pepperoni pizza with no crust?

Day 11 AM

Today is day 11 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 160 pounds
BFI: 27.5%

The weight is starting to come off again, and I am very pleased. It's not that I want to be skinny, but it feels good to be gaining something.

Spoke with a friend of mine about God's will and her answers provided more insight. Although there is nothing definitive or measurable. There is no way to know a concrete yes or no. How could you measure a God that is beyond measuring? His power is absolute and unwavering.

Today I get spend some quality time with my niece, and she is always a delight to be around. I am constantly in awe of children. God says that the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these. I watch my daughter, and her faith is beautiful to me. She has no doubt or question. God is God and he can do anything. She doesn't try to explain or rationalize. She believes innocently and purely. She doesn't question her God.

To my daughter, God is absolutely powerful. The stories in the bible don't need archeological verification for her to believe them. He is her Father and she believes anything and everything he tells her. When she prayers she speaks to her savior like she is speaking to a friend. Once she asked God to bless the Justice League, and she named them all for him to be sure he didn't miss one.

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood we lose that innocence, and it must grieve our Father to have the separation of sin between us. We suddenly know everything and we don't need any help. We can do it all, and we only ask for God's help after we have made the mess. He becomes an accessory. The creator of heaven and earth is put in a little box that we only open on Sundays or when trouble comes.

There are a lot of things that my daughter does not know. She doesn't know how to balance a checkbook. She doesn't know how to drive a car. She can't multiple four times seven to get twenty-eight. She does know God. When it comes to faith, she is my teacher. I want to be like her in my faith.

Matthew 18:3 NIV And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

Mark 10:14-16 NIV When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

An Invitation to Salvation

Do you need to be closer to your savior? Do you want the peace that comes from having a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Jesus wants you in the Kingdom and you can have it. All it takes is a confession of faith.

Romans 10:9-10
If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and it is by confessing with your mouth that you are saved.

Romans 10:13
For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

You can have the relationship with Christ that your spirit longs for. He is waiting for you to reach out to him.

Find out more about the Prayer of Salvation. For your convenience part of this site is posted on this blog.

Prayer of Salvation - Our First Real Conversation With God
The "prayer of salvation" is the most important prayer we'll ever pray. When we're ready to become a Christian, we're ready to have our first real conversation with God, and these are its components:

• We acknowledge that Jesus Christ is God; that He came to earth as a man in order to live the sinless life that we cannot live; that He died in our place, so that we would not have to pay the penalty we deserve.
• We confess our past life of sin -- living for ourselves and not obeying God.
• We admit we are ready to trust Jesus Christ as our Savior and Lord.
• We ask Jesus to come into our heart, take up residence there, and begin living through us.

If you chose to give your life to Christ today, leave me a comment. I would love to read your testimony.

Day 10 AM

Today is day 10 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 163 pounds
BFI: 28.0%

Yesterday I received a most interesting email. It contained in it a prayer that was forwarded to me and that I was to forward on to others. Now I must confess that I do not read forwards as a rule, but for some reason I read this one. Inside it I read a line that had a most profound impact on my way of thinking and my search for wisdom. "Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from you."

The idea that I cannot hear God's will, because I am not listening had occurred to me, but the idea that I couldn't hear him for all the worry that clouds my mind was new. I have been so busy worrying about all the details of my near future that I did not allow my Father to speak to me. It's like trying to have a conversation with someone that talks too much. My Father couldn't get a word in edgewise. I was so busy praying and doing all the talking that I spared not a moment to listen.

So I am going to take my mind off of worry for the rest of the week and focus on doing God's work. This morning I am going to visit my dear friend at summer school, and spend some time with the kids I have been teaching for the last two years. This evening it is off to Woman's Bible Study with another friend. Thursday, Friday and Saturday I have volunteered to work on the church's clean slate project. Clean slate is like extreme home make-over, but done locally by our church.

None of these things will make me any money or put me any closer to the financial goal I have set before I move. However, all of these things are acts of service. God wants me to serve others. I am to get out of bed each day, and hear the devil say, "Darn, she's up again." I am to strive everyday to give of myself to others.

I am sorry to admit that for the last week I have been about the business of serving myself and my own gain. I have kept my budget open on my computer constantly inspecting it to make sure the money will be in place, and working on-line marketing ventures to fill in the gaps. This process has kept me isolated from the body of Christ, and serving only myself. So for the rest of this week I will do God's work, and trust that the bottom line will balance when the time comes.

"Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude."

Day 9 PM - God's Will

Today is day 9 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 165 pounds
BFI: 28.3%

This evening I feel compelled to speak about God's will. One of the driving questions of my most recent state is how do you know if something is God's will or my will. Just today I spoke to my daughter about God's will. I am sure she understood it about as well as I do. He is my most holy father, and I wish to be obedient to him, but how do I know if I am?

In the quest to answer this question, I have consulted several christians whom I greatly admire and respect. One of the answers I received is that if you are doing God's will it will never require you to sin. Any sin committed to fulfill God's will proves that it is not His will. This truth brings a new understanding to the crusade, doesn't it.

Another response I received is that if a decision is made in accordance with God's will you find a great peace in it. You might question your decision later, but initially you find peace. As if while God was watching you He nodded his approval. You feel fulfilled like a student getting the right answer for your teacher.

Over the course of my life I have made many decisions, and a great deal of them were wrong. They ended in heartache and sorrow. So it has become more important than anything to do God's will in every aspect of my life. In addition to that, it has become equally important to teach my daughter that kind of life.

One of the greatest things I have ever heard, that changed my life was this. A most respected Christian friend's father is dying. She told me that her greatest inheritance from him was his faith. She grew up watching a man that devoted his life to the service of God. She can remember him praying for their family, acting in faith, and serving. His model of total faith was her inheritance.

That is what I want for my daughter. I want her to have an inheritance in faith. So I look to God's will when making choices for myself and for my family. I want her to see what an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ looks like, and the peace that it brings. I want my daughter blessed with the grace and mercy of her savior Jesus Christ more than anything else I could hope to gain in this life.

So my question is this... How do you know God's Will?

Day 9 AM

Today is day 9 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 163 pounds
BFI: 28.0%

Hit a speed bump in the diet. No, I didn't cheat. Although I had a dream last night where I ate a lot. Started with candy, and then moved into chips. I also had a great big fluffy biscuit with gravy. However, all that was just a dream.

No, the speed bump I encountered was yesterday while working out. I have a few work-out DVDs. Nothing fancy, I got them at the dollar store. The one I was doing yesterday was low-impact aerobics. I was in the middle of "grape vine" when I felt something give in my back. Right now it's not serious. Just a tender spot halfway down my spine, but not something I want to mess with. So I am taking a couple of days off of anything that complex.

I did learn that I can jog in place as long as I keep my arms close to my sides. I am going to try stepping this morning, but even that might be more than I want to mess with. This set back certainly makes the ab routine I had scheduled for today more difficult.

Wish me luck-

Day 8 AM

Today is day 8 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 163 pounds
BFI: 28.0%

Looking at my weight over the last week it looks like my weight isn't coming off as much or as fast as I would like. It's also important to weight yourself at the same time everyday. By weighing twice a day you will create a yo-yo effect on your weight. Also consider that for women your weight will fluctuate through-out the month, and there is nothing you can do to stop that.

However, there are other measurements to consider. When combining weight loss with exercise your weight may not come off on the scale, so you have to look at your other measurements. I use SparkPeople to manage my carbohydrate intake and to track my weight and measurements. On the first day of the fast I measured my waist, my hips and my neck. Some programs call for you to measure your wrist, forearm or bicep. It all depends on what program you use.

On Day 1, my waist measured 40 inches, my hips measured 43 inches and my neck measured 14 inches. On day 8 my waist measures at 38 inches, my hips measure 41.75 inches and my neck measures 13 inches. So the weight is coming off. The number on the scale can't tell you whether the weight is muscle mass or fat, so it is important to monitor the areas where fat collects on your body.

The week before the fast I was wearing my size 16 jeans because they were the only ones that weren't uncomfortable. Now I have these super baggy jeans to wear around the house, but when they become the only ones that fit I have a problem. This week I have been wearing my usual size 12 jeans. They are tight, but not painfully tight. Give them a couple more weeks and they will fit great.

Day 7 PM

Today is day 7 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 167 pounds
BFI: 28.7%

Why Atkins? There are lots of diets out there? Why choose this one for your fast? Well, plainly spoken a fast is to sacrifice something you want desperately. I am addicted to carbohydrates. I love and adore them, even though I know they are bad for me. Even during this fast I think about them constantly. I caught myself today reading a box of instant mashed potatoes.

I also chose Atkins because it works, and because I believe in it. I have read the research and I find it to be rational. It goes against popular belief and has drawn enormous criticism. Like all dieting programs you need to consult a doctor before doing any form of drastic dieting or implementing a new work-out program. Atkins is not for everyone, and it is not designed for children.

Yet, I know that it works. A year ago I did Atkins, and I lost weight and felt great doing it. One of the popular arguments is that you do lose weight, but you immediately gain it all back. I lost the weight, and I did gain it back plus interest. However, I gained it back over the course of a year.

I gained the weight because I chose to eat foods that are not healthy for me. I was the one that chose to eat double helpings at meals, and stock my cabinets with chips, cookies and other snacks. That is not a flaw in the diet. Atkins did not make me fat. My choices did. I didn't exercise. I didn't eat healthy. I didn't control my eatings. It is no surprise that I ended up 40 pounds overweight.

I chose Atkins because it works. It works for me and it works for many other people. Check the research. Inform yourself. Talk to your doctor. After all that, go for it. It might be exactly what you are looking for.

Day 7 AM

Today is day 6 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 162 pounds
BFI: 27.8%

This post is slightly delayed so that I could share what happened at my worship service this morning. With my fast I didn't know what to expect when I went to church. When you open yourself to the Lord you can get knocked off your feet, and that is what happened this morning.

I missed the beginning of the service because I was serving elsewhere in the building when it started. I walked in halfway through the service and found a seat in the middle. The pastor ws talking about the soveriegnty of Jesus and how he is seated on a throne in heaven. Why should we fear when our Father is in Heaven and is in control of everything. We can trust Him to control the orbit of the planets and the weather, but not the little everyday things.

Now I am a very shy person, almost crippling shy. I like to go unnoticed. In high school I used to stutter if put on the spot, and even now it will come back when I become anxious or stressed. Not cool. This is relevant because when I go to worship service, I do not put my hands up. I see people singing with all their hearts, they hands stretched out in praise, and I want to be one of them, but I don't do it.

I once saw a movie called David, with Richard Gere. In the movie, as they are bringing the Ark of the Covenant to the temple, he leads the procession into the city. The whole way there he dances like a mad man. Losing himself in praise to the Glory of God. When I attend worship, I feel like David. I want to dance like a mad woman in the aisles, but I don't. I keep my hands clasped behind my back and sing softly.

I have reflected on this often, and my conclusions are not good. Why don't I do what my heart is telling me to do? Why don't I raise my hands and sing out how much I love my Father? Is it because I am worried about what others will think? Is it because the man next to me is resolutely watching in a stoic manner? That's a silly reason to deny Christ.

I love my daughter more than any person in the world. I will make an absolute fool of myself in a public place for her. Running through the airport to hug her. Dancing in a grocery store to make her smile. Singing where people can hear me if she is upset. It's because I love her so much. If I can do it for my daughter, why can't I do it for my savior?

So today, our pastor ended the prayer with a request for the people. If you feel like you are not close to your God, then come and kneel at the altar to pray while the band plays. I am in the middle of a fast. I yearn to be obedient to God, and to humble myself before him. So the lights dimmed and I forced myself to walk up there with the many others. I knelt before the altar, with tears streaming down my face, as my insides clenched in fear. There are over 3000 people that attend our church every week.

I wanted God to know that my love is stronger than my fear. I wanted him to know that I will be obedient against any fear. I prayed my love for him, and tried to show my devotion through humility. After I returned to my seat, I stood with my arms outstretched over my head, even though I was the only one in my row to do so. I was horrified, but my love for Christ is stronger than my fear.

I consider this a victory for Christ. I didn't care about the fear that has plagued me for over 25 years. Today I stood for my Lord. I thought about Peter denying Christ, and his shame. I don't want that shame. I want to stand for my Lord, and today I finally did.

Praise Jesus!

If you would like to hear this sermon, click this link. The Church at Battlecreek