Day 17 AM

Today is day 17 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 158 pounds
BFI: 27.1%

We are almost halfway through the fast. The weight is coming off great. The menu has gotten a bit boring, but it doesn't really matter, because I am doing this as a testimony of love and obedience.

I have had three good days of peace. Three days of no anxiety. Ever since I had the sermon on God's power and strength. Since I put the time in to study the Word of God on fear and anxiety. I downloaded two different sermon series on anxiety, one by Joyce Meyers and one by John MacArthur. I think that I may have finally surrendered to God for the first time this problem.

Honestly, I have been changing my mind on my move to California every 20 minutes, and it had created so much stress. I knew when the decision was made that it was God's will. Since that time I began to wonder if it was or wasn't. So I panicked, like I was drowning. When I should have had faith in God, I didn't. I started fearing the shadows, and focusing on what could go wrong. I wasn't trusting in the power of my God.

I always hear people say, lay it at the foot of the cross. So I do. I lay my problems at the foot of the cross. I have a picture of Jesus hanging over my bed. To the back of his picture I taped an envelope, and when things get tough I write the problem down and put it in the envelope. It's supposed to be symbolic of relinquishing a problem to Christ. However, I know that as soon as I lay something at his feet, I wait a moment and pick it back up again.

It's ridiculous really. What do I think that I can do that he can't? He is the creator of the heaven and the earth. Nothing is beyond his power. Nothing! If you can't trust God, then who can you trust? So, today we work on letting go, and letting God. That's another saying I hear a lot. So today this is my prayer.

Praise Jesus! Thank you, Lord, for the way that you are working in my life. I may not see the things that you have done for me, but I know that you have not abandoned me. Thank you for blessing me each and every day. I trust you to do what needs to be done for me. I may not like the way that you do it, but I trust you. You are my Lord, my savior, and everything that I need. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

Day 16 AM

Today is day 16 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Today I am writing about fear...again. Right now the economy isn't that great, and people are losing their jobs. For the most part, Oklahoma education hasn't been that affected. Programs are getting cut, but the jobs are still there.

Now in California it is a different story. Their education bill was voted down, and the lay-offs are overwhelming. Now we all know that come fall all those kids are going to walk back through the doors of their schools, and teachers are going to be needed in those classrooms. They already allow 30 kids per classroom per teacher, but they still need a highly qualified individual in that room.

Now I am leaving Oklahoma and moving to California. All of my secular friends tell me I am making a mistake. I am a teacher with an out-of-state certification competing with local teachers all scrambling for the same job. One of the positions I applied for had over 300 applicants. All I've heard back from the many jobs I have applied to in the last four months, is one nibble.

Last week I called and talked to my veterans adviser, and even he recommended that I wait a year for the education job market to turn around. I listened to all the things he said, and then I asked him if he was a Christian. I told him that although this is a scary time to move, it is God's will for my family. He immediately said that I would be fine, and that I was covered. The same holds true for every believer I have spoken to.

The power of God is an amazing thing. All I did was mention God and a complete stranger told me I could do it. All through the Bible, 253 different verses, we are told how to handle fear. We should fear nothing in this life. The only thing we should be afraid of is the Lord. His power is absolute in all things. If he wants me in a classroom, it doesn't matter what the economy looks like. I just need to be patient and let him do his will in his time.

Proverbs 9:10 NIV
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.

However, there is nothing saying that a little prayer wouldn't help. I applied for the perfect job this morning before this post. It is in a great neighborhood, the pay is in the right range, and the academic program is one of the highest in the state. I would love to have this job, so send a couple prayers up to our Father. If it's his will, I would love to have this job. If not, I will keep applying to all of them, until I find the one that He wants me to have.

Matthew 17:20 NIV
He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. "

Day 15 PM

Today is day 15 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

This morning I commented on the sermon on the power of God, and how we should be courageous. How can we fear when we are temples for the Holy Spirit. For today's bible study I went to Christianity.com and I searched for the word "fear" in the scriptures. I have found pages of verses. The word of God has unspeakable power. It is the sword carried by Christ when he returns to us.

So the key is to find the scripture in the living word that heals where you are broken, and provides wisdom when you are lost. Take the scripture. Copy it down. Learn it and when the time comes for you to confront it, pull from it. When I confront my fear I will have the God's words to do combat with. I am not strong enough, I need God's grace. I need his living Word.

Psalms 34:4-8 NIV I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Those who look on him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Psalms 27:1 NIV The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?

Psalms 112:7-8 NIV He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph on his face.

Proverbs 29:25 NIV Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.

There are so many more. Open your Bible. Let the word of God speak to your heart. Let it be a soothing balm to your spirit. It is the divine promises of your savior.

Day 15 AM

Today is day 15 of my 40 days - 40 carbs - 40 prayers.

Weight: 158 pounds
BFI: 27.1%

Yesterday our sermon was video cast all the way from Simi Valley, California. Our preacher was Francis Chan. He spoke about the power and strength of God. He spoke about how Christians should be courageous, and not afraid to believe in God's power. The sermon was amazing. It was as if the sermon was just for me. For I have been living in a state of fear for the last three weeks.

So now I have to correct my "stinkin' thinkin'". I have to make a change of heart. However, I have enough wisdom to know that I cannot change myself. I do not even have the power to add one second to the length of my life. Today I pray that God change me through his grace. Change me in his way, and in his time.

If you would like to hear this sermon, then go to Cornerstone Church.